I was approached by Beat, the UK charity supporting those suffering with eating disorders. Having had to take time away from education, I blogged about my experiences of battling Anorexia whilst at University.My name is Kerry, I’m 22 years old and following completion of my A-Levels, I gained a place to study Psychology at The University of Surrey. Having suffered with anorexia since 13, I was quite apprehensive, yet extremely excited at the prospect of moving to university. Whether that excitement was because I would be living alone and I could eat what I want, or whether I was truly excited to go to university, I don’t know; I think it was possibly a bit of both. My Eating Disorder Team expressed concern over whether I would be able to manage but because I wasn’t at a critically low weight, I was deemed “safe” enough to go to university. I packed all my things into the car and started the 50 minute journey down to Guildford. Naturally, I was anxious at the fact I would be sharing halls with people I don’t know. The thought often crossed my mind as to how they would cope with living with an anorexic. I guess I was worried that they wouldn’t want to be friends with me. However, I settled in extremely quickly and made lots of lovely friends.
The university lifestyle was chaotic. Late nights and the early morning soon started to contribute to my exhaustion. However, I found the freedom of living away from home quite enthralling. I soon joined the gym and was consuming less and less calories. After a while, I stopped going out with my friends and engrossed myself in my university work. Being a perfectionist, I settled for nothing less than a First. I started to exercise excessively, and the anorexic thoughts became stronger and stronger. I guess the new found freedom stimulated the anorexia and it soon took advantage of this situation. My personal tutor soon expressed concern and called me in to her office following lectures one day. My worst nightmare came true. I didn’t want anyone to know about my eating disorder at university. It was a new start for me. I naively thought that going to university would rid of the anorexia, how wrong I was. My tutor said she suspected I was struggling with anorexia. Despite being angry that she had found out my “secret”, her support and understanding was invaluable. She got to know me quite well and supported me immensely.
My health started to deteriorate rapidly. I was losing weight quickly and my academic performance started to suffer. I collapsed on several occasions and had to be taken to the local A&E. I met some lovely friends whilst at university; however they found living with me difficult. They expressed their concern but felt helpless. Eating together became a regular occurrence for my housemates; however this was my worst nightmare. As the illness started to take great hold again, I isolated myself from them. I didn’t have the energy to go out anymore, I was too tired to study and my body was becoming weaker and weaker.
I was supported by a lovely nurse whilst at university. She was more like a friend to me than a nurse. She had supported students in similar situations before and had a lot of time for me. She liaised closely with my GP as my physical health was in danger. My organs weren’t working properly, and following a GP meeting, it was concluded that I wasn’t well enough to stay at university. I guess this news came with a mixture of emotions. I felt incredibly poorly, yet coming home meant that I would almost be forced into treatment.
My personal tutor often called at me home to see how I was. She always used to say to me that my education can wait but my health can’t. Sadly, she passed away in 2011. This affected me greatly as she was incredibly special to me and helped me through a very difficult time.
I took a year out of education and entered treatment. I felt a failure for taking time out of university. However, my family and my team kept reminding me that I cannot study for a degree being as poorly as I was. After a while, I accepted this and engaged in treatment.
It was concluded that I wasn’t well enough to go back to Surrey. I have a variety of different health problems caused by the anorexia and I’m in and out of hospital. I’m trying to fight my battle every day and I try and hold on to the hope that I can recover and that there is happiness out there somewhere. I enrolled as an Open University student and I am in my final year of my Psychology Degree. I study at home and I am supported by my GP and local eating disorder team.
If you are considering taking a break from university, please don’t feel like a failure. Education can wait, your health can’t. In order to enjoy the university experience, you need to be well. You cannot put a price on health and its okay to have a break. You deserve to look after yourself and put your needs first. I know it seems like it’s the worst thing in the world to have to do, but trust me, it’s not and sometimes, just sometimes, it works out for the better.
Love Kerry x
