Putting me first

I was approached by Beat, the UK charity supporting those suffering with eating disorders. Having had to take time away from education, I blogged about my experiences of battling Anorexia whilst at University.

My name is Kerry, I’m 22 years old and following completion of my A-Levels, I gained a place to study Psychology at The University of Surrey. Having suffered with anorexia since 13, I was quite apprehensive, yet extremely excited at the prospect of moving to university. Whether that excitement was because I would be living alone and I could eat what I want, or whether I was truly excited to go to university, I don’t know; I think it was possibly a bit of both. My Eating Disorder Team expressed concern over whether I would be able to manage but because I wasn’t at a critically low weight, I was deemed “safe” enough to go to university. I packed all my things into the car and started the 50 minute journey down to Guildford. Naturally, I was anxious at the fact I would be sharing halls with people I don’t know. The thought often crossed my mind as to how they would cope with living with an anorexic. I guess I was worried that they wouldn’t want to be friends with me. However, I settled in extremely quickly and made lots of lovely friends.

The university lifestyle was chaotic. Late nights and the early morning soon started to contribute to my exhaustion. However, I found the freedom of living away from home quite enthralling. I soon joined the gym and was consuming less and less calories. After a while, I stopped going out with my friends and engrossed myself in my university work. Being a perfectionist, I settled for nothing less than a First. I started to exercise excessively, and the anorexic thoughts became stronger and stronger. I guess the new found freedom stimulated the anorexia and it soon took advantage of this situation. My personal tutor soon expressed concern and called me in to her office following lectures one day. My worst nightmare came true. I didn’t want anyone to know about my eating disorder at university. It was a new start for me. I naively thought that going to university would rid of the anorexia, how wrong I was. My tutor said she suspected I was struggling with anorexia. Despite being angry that she had found out my “secret”, her support and understanding was invaluable. She got to know me quite well and supported me immensely.

My health started to deteriorate rapidly. I was losing weight quickly and my academic performance started to suffer. I collapsed on several occasions and had to be taken to the local A&E. I met some lovely friends whilst at university; however they found living with me difficult. They expressed their concern but felt helpless. Eating together became a regular occurrence for my housemates; however this was my worst nightmare. As the illness started to take great hold again, I isolated myself from them. I didn’t have the energy to go out anymore, I was too tired to study and my body was becoming weaker and weaker.

I was supported by a lovely nurse whilst at university. She was more like a friend to me than a nurse. She had supported students in similar situations before and had a lot of time for me. She liaised closely with my GP as my physical health was in danger. My organs weren’t working properly, and following a GP meeting, it was concluded that I wasn’t well enough to stay at university. I guess this news came with a mixture of emotions. I felt incredibly poorly, yet coming home meant that I would almost be forced into treatment.

My personal tutor often called at me home to see how I was. She always used to say to me that my education can wait but my health can’t. Sadly, she passed away in 2011. This affected me greatly as she was incredibly special to me and helped me through a very difficult time.
I took a year out of education and entered treatment. I felt a failure for taking time out of university. However, my family and my team kept reminding me that I cannot study for a degree being as poorly as I was. After a while, I accepted this and engaged in treatment.

It was concluded that I wasn’t well enough to go back to Surrey. I have a variety of different health problems caused by the anorexia and I’m in and out of hospital. I’m trying to fight my battle every day and I try and hold on to the hope that I can recover and that there is happiness out there somewhere. I enrolled as an Open University student and I am in my final year of my Psychology Degree. I study at home and I am supported by my GP and local eating disorder team.

If you are considering taking a break from university, please don’t feel like a failure. Education can wait, your health can’t. In order to enjoy the university experience, you need to be well. You cannot put a price on health and its okay to have a break. You deserve to look after yourself and put your needs first. I know it seems like it’s the worst thing in the world to have to do, but trust me, it’s not and sometimes, just sometimes, it works out for the better.

Love Kerry x

"You hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside"

“I can feel the hurt. There's something good about it. Mostly it makes me stop remembering.”  

In its broadest sense, self-harm describes "a wide range of things that people do to themselves in a deliberate and usually hidden way, which are damaging. "Self injury often involves cutting, burning, scalding, hair pulling, biting and self-poisoning. Self harm is not an attention seeking behaviour; it is generally a sign of deep psychological distress and an indication that something is seriously wrong. Individual's can self harm for a wide variety of reasons. For a large majority of people, self harm provides the means to cope with overwhelming emotions - a way to control feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. For others, self injury temporaily combats feelings of numbness to the world around them. Research has shown that no single factor predicts self harm. A combination of pressures in home and school life, such as being bullied at school, not getting on with parents, parental divorce, unwanted pregnancy, abuse, rape, bereavement, entering care and mental health problems such as depression, can all lead people to self-harm. 1 in 10 teenagers will self harm, but the true figure could be even higher as most incidents of self injury are treated at home and will not research the attention of services or professionals.Although some very young people and some adults do self-harm, rates are much higher in and young people. It is important to bear in mind that everybody's experience is unique, and there are no universal rules or reasons for self-harm.

Self-harm is a deeply personal thing. Individuals are likely to have a preferred method and part of the body for self-harm. Because of the complex fe
elings involved, people often keep self-harm well hidden from friends and family and they may go to great lengths to avoid showing the area of the body that they harm.

Self-harm is not a reaction that switches on and off. Most people that self-harm go through periods where they feel more vulnerable to self-harm, and periods where they are able to cope with things that would normally make them self-harm.

Whilst self-harm is ultimately damaging and may be dangerous, for many people it provides a method of coping with life. It is important to remember the level of distress that has led to the self-harm. This is particularly important for friends, parents, teachers or youth workers who may become aware of the issue and wish to raise it with the individual. Taking away a person's means of self-harm can increase the emotional distress and make the situation worse.

If you are struggling with self harm, you are not alone and there are people that truly understand what you're going through.

Giving-up self-harm can be a long and difficult process. It is not something a person can just stop doing overnight. No two individual journeys of recovery will be the same. Some people use self help groups or on-line support communities, others seek help from their GP who may refer a person for psychological therapies. These can help to build coping mechanisms to replace self-harm, and address the feelings that led to the self-harming to begin with. Sometimes medication might be used to treat depression or another mental health problem that may be present.

There are a number of self-help groups and voluntary sector self-harm projects that can help people work towards developing alternative coping mechanisms. I will provide their details at the end of this blog post.

Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health. People may notice visible scars, often on people's arms and stare, point or make comment. For many people who don't understand self harm, the thought of someone wilfully hurting themselves is unsettling or even disgusting. The effect of this judgement and public disgust is further reduction of confidence and self-esteem, and may feed into the cycle that leads to self-harm in the first place.

Many people hide their scars obsessively to prevent them being seen. This leads to problems, for example, in school, or the workplace, where uniform might dictate short sleeves, or situations might lead to peers seeing a person changing clothes. People are sometimes excluded from jobs, or asked to wear different clothes because of scarring from self-harm (e.g customer services or teaching).

Sometimes people are stigmatised in buying goods, for example by being barred from purchasing painkillers, or a safety razor in a pharmacist, because their scars were showing. One of the most commonly reported areas where self-harm results in stigma is when people access medical help, both for self-harm, and for other complaints. This can often lead to people not staying to complete treatment or being deterred from seeking treatment in the future.

There are many myths surrounding mental illness:

Myth1: Young people who self-harm are attempting suicide  Fact1: Self-harm can help people who are experiencing emotional distress to go on living with the pain they feel, rather than trying to escape it through suicide.

Myth2: Young people who self-harm are just attention-seeking
Fact2: Young people tend to keep their self-harm secret often as a result of feelings of embarrassment, shame or guilt. It is not 'just attention-seeking' however sometimes it can be a cry for help.

Myth3: Don't approach a young person who self-harms, send them straight to the doctor
Fact3: Taking time to listen without judging encourages young people to get their problems out into the open- the first step along the road to recovery

Myth4: You will know if someone is self-harming if they have cuts on their arms
Fact 4: Cutting is one form of self-harm; others include burning, hitting, bruising or poisoning

Myth 5: Self- harm is just the latest fashion which young people will grow out of.
Fact 5: Self-harm is not a phase or a fashion. Listening to certain music, or dressing in certain ways does not lead to self-harm. People of all ages, backgrounds and of both genders self-harm. Self-harm is always a signal that something is seriously wrong.

I suffered with self harm throughout my teenage years. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You deserve to get help and don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve support. If you wish to talk about what you are going through, I would suggest contacting your GP as your first point of call as they are often the gateway to other services. In the mean time, the following organisations can help you in the mean time:

Self-Harm and Young People: A National Enquiry
National Self-Harm Network
Young Minds Self-Harm Information
NCB Young People and Self-Harm Resource
Penumbra Young People and Self-Harm Information 

BBC's It's a Mad World Season

I am so pleased that the BBC put together a series of films looking at a wide range of mental health issues affecting young people in Britain today. 1 in 4 of us will, at some point, develop a mental health problem and it's a subject area that has been neglected in the past.

Don't Call Me Crazy
The series started with a documentary called Don't call me Crazy. Film crews were given permission to enter one of the largest teenage mental health units in the country; inpatients like these are often a place of last resort for young people with depression, psychosis, OCD or eating disorders. It's amazing to see that the BBC are highlighting just how mental illness can damage lives and how getting the right help can change lives. However, I cannot help but question the ethics behind this documentary. The young people who were filmed were obviously extremely distressed and yes it's absolutely admirable that they want to share their story to raise awareness although I don't know whether filming patients who were acutely unwell was a good idea. Nonetheless, the documentary was an accurate portrayal of what life is like in an inpatient unit. Having been admitted to a similar unit when I was 18 years old, watching this did bring back a lot of very difficult memories but this is the reality of what many people who are suffering from a mental illness face. I hope all the participants face their demons so they are able to live a happy, healthy life; free from the mental illness that has robbed them of their happiness.

Football's Suicide Secret

Clarke Carlisle investigated the dark side of professional sport: depression, addiction and suicide. In April 2012 a promising young football player jumped to his death from a 120ft high viaduct after racking up gambling debts. Having lost a friend to suicide, I did shed a few tears whilst watching this documentary. Anyone can suffer from a mental illness; mental illness doesn't discriminate. You can become victim to the illness at any stage in your life, regardless of your social-economic background or  occupation. Money does not buy happiness. Depression can be a devastating illness, not only for the sufferer but for their family and friends. I can only hope that people who have taken their lives are at peace and free from such a terrible, terrible condition.

Diaries of a Broken Mind

Using handheld cameras, 20 extraordinary young people with a range of health disorders from OCD to schizophrenia showed us what life is really like as they navigate the rocky road into adulthood. I thought this was an excellent portrayal of mental illness. I really liked the fact that the programme showed the "not so well known" types of mental illness. The young people who took part were extremely brave for sharing their story publically and I hope they all get the help and support they deserve to fight their illnesses.

Rachel Bruno: My Dad and Me

26-year-old Rachel is the daughter of Frank Bruno, the ex-heavyweight boxing champion who is one of Britain’s most famous sufferers of bipolar affective disorder. In this personal documentary, Rachel set out to discover the truth about her dad's illness, and ultimately whether she is at risk of developing it too. Bipolar disorder, previously known as manic depression, is a condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another. Not much is known about Bipolar and it was admirable to see Rachel Bruno speak about her Dad's illness and the affect it has had upon the family. Mental illness does not just affect the sufferer, it has a great impact on their family and friends and they have to remember that it's okay for them to ask for support. Supporting someone with a mental illness can be a draining, distressing and upsetting experience and there are people out there who can help you.

Failed by the NHS

26-year-old Jonny Benjamin, who has schizophrenia and depression, investigates why many young people with mental illness are failing to get the right treatment from the NHS. My first impression was just how brave Jonny has been to share his story; along with the other participants. It broke my heart so watch the family of someone who took their life speak about their son's depression and how things could have been different if he received help sooner; this is sadly too common. The NHS mental health services are drastically under funded and under staffed and this is having devastating consequences on those suffering. It is important to remember that the NHS also provide excellent care and I am not afraid to admit that the NHS Eating Disorder Service's have saved my life. Yes there needs to be improvements, although I think we need to also remember just how much the NHS have helped individual's to turn their lives around.

Information and Support

If you, or someone you know, have been affected by the issues raised in this season, the following organisations can help:

Schizophrenia
Mind is a leading mental health charity in England and Wales. It provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. The charity campaigns to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding. The Mind infoline provides information on a range of topics including types of mental distress, where to get help, drug and alternative treatments and advocacy. They are also able to provide details of local help and support. Contact them by phone on 0300 123 3393 between 9am and 6pm, Monday to Friday www.mind.org.uk

YoungMinds is committed to improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people. Visit www.youngminds.org.uk for information, support and advice. Concerned parents can also call the Parents' Helpline on 0808 802 5544 (Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 4pm).
Rethink Mental Illness is a charity that believes a better life is possible for millions of people affected by mental illness. They can provide practical advice and information about issues such as therapy and medication, benefits, debt, criminal justice and your rights under the Mental Health Act, as well as operating support groups across England. For advice and support call the Rethink Information and Advice Line on 0300 5000 927 (Monday to Friday from 10am to 1pm) or go online to www.rethink.org

Mental Health Foundation is a leading UK mental health research, policy and service improvement charity. They are committed to reducing the suffering caused by mental ill health and to help everyone lead mentally healthier lives. They help people to survive, recover from and prevent mental health problems. Visit www.mentalhealth.org.uk

SANE provides emotional support and information to anyone affected by mental illness. Their services are completely confidential and whatever your problems or concerns, you will receive non-judgemental emotional support. There are 3 main ways to reach them:
Helpline: 0845 767 8000 (available 6pm – 11pm every day)
Email or Support Forum
Website: www.sane.org.uk

SAMH (the Scottish Association for Mental Health) exists to provide help, information and support; to campaign on behalf of people with mental health problems and to raise money to fund their vital work.
SAMH operates an information service from Monday to Friday between the hours of 2pm and 4pm. Information service staff and volunteers can answer general mental health enquiries, advise you on your rights and signpost you to your local services.
SAMH National Information Service: 0800 917 3466
www.samh.org.uk/

Niamh Mental Wellbeing (Northern Ireland Association for Mental Health) provides local services to support the mental health and wellbeing of people across Northern Ireland. Through Beacon, they provide day, housing and advocacy support for anyone with experience of mental illness as well as support groups and learning programmes. Through Carecall they provide access to counselling and psychological therapies as well as mental health and wellbeing programmes, mainly in the workplace, colleges and higher education. Contact them by phone on 028 9032 8474 or go online to www.niamhwellbeing.org

Community Advice & Listening Line offers emotional support and information/literature on mental health and related matters to the people of Wales. Anyone concerned about their own mental health or that of a relative or friend can access the service. The C.A.L.L. Helpline offers a confidential listening and support service on Freephone 0800 132 737. Alternatively, you can text the word "help" to 81066, or find out more online at www.callhelpline.org.uk
Anxiety

No Panic is a voluntary charity, providing support to sufferers of Panic Attacks, Anxiety Disorders, Phobias and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Contact their help line on 0800 138 8889, 10am to 10pm everyday or log onto nopanic.org.uk

Anxiety UK works to relieve and support those living with anxiety disorders by providing information, support and understanding via an extensive range of services. Contact them by phone on 08444 755 774 or visit www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Anxiety Alliance is run by former anxiety sufferers, so they fully understand the physical feelings and negative emotions that sufferers experience. Through their helpline they can offer confidential and impartial advice and support. Factsheets, self-help booklets, relaxation tapes and CDs are also available to members. You can contact the helpline on 0845 296 7877, every day of the week (including weekends) between 10am and 10pm or log onto www.anxietyalliance.org.uk for more information.

Bipolar
Bipolar UK is a national charity dedicated to supporting individuals with the much misunderstood and devastating condition of bipolar, their families and carers. Contact them by phone on 020 7931 6480, by emailing info@bipolaruk.org.uk or visit www.bipolaruk.org.uk
Bipolar Scotland provides information, support and advice for people affected by bipolar disorder and all who care. Contact them by phone on 0141 560 2050, or log onto www.bipolarscotland.org.uk
Mind is a leading mental health charity in England and Wales. It provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. The charity campaigns to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding. The Mind infoline provides information on a range of topics including types of mental distress, where to get help, drug and alternative treatments and advocacy. They are also able to provide details of local help and support. Contact them by phone on 0300 123 3393 between 9am and 6pm, Monday to Friday.
www.mind.org.uk

Depression
Action on Depression work in Scotland to provide information and support services to those affected by the condition. To mark Depression Awareness week they have launched a new campaign entitled “Never Judge a Book...” to challenge existing stereotypes about the illness.
Further information on how Action on Depression can help you can be obtained by visiting www.actionondepression.org or by emailing info@actionondepression.org

FamilyLine’s free confidential helpline can support you if you are experiencing issues concerning depression or mental health. We will listen to your worries and concerns while you talk through them in confidence. Our helpline is open 0900 to 1700 Monday to Friday 0808 800 5678 or email us at: help@familyline.org.uk

Community Advice & Listening Line offers emotional support and information/literature on mental health and related matters to the people of Wales. Anyone concerned about their own mental health or that of a relative or friend can access the service. The C.A.L.L. Helpline offers a confidential listening and support service on Freephone 0800 132 737. Alternatively, you can text the word "help" to 81066, or find out more online at http://www.callhelpline.org.uk

Breathing Space is a free, confidential phone and web based service for people in Scotland experiencing low mood, depression or anxiety. They are there in times of difficulty to provide a safe and supportive space by listening, offering advice and information.
If you think you need Breathing Space call 0800 83 85 87 (from 6pm til 2am Monday to Thursday and 24 hours at the weekend), or go online to www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk A BSL service is also available via the website.

Depression Alliance works specifically with people who experience depression and anxiety. They provide support and understanding to those who are affected, including friends and family of sufferers. They operate a national network of self-help groups, an online support forum and publish a quarterly magazine to ensure that nobody suffers alone. They also campaign to raise awareness and reduce stigma about depression.
Information pack request line: 0845 123 23 20
Email: information@depressionalliance.org
www.depressionalliance.org
Eating Disorders

Beat is a national charity providing information, help and support for people with eating disorders and their families Beat provides helplines for adults and young people, online support and a UK-wide network of self-help groups to help people beat their eating disorder. Contact them by phone on 0845 634 1414, Monday to Friday between 10:30am and 8:30pm and on Saturdays between 1pm and 4:30pm, or the Youth Helpline, up to the age of 18 on 0845 634 7650, Monday to Friday between 4:30pm and 8:30pm and Saturdays between 1pm and 4:30pm, or log onto www.b-eat.co.uk There is also a text service on 07786 201820.

Anorexia and Bulimia Care (ABC) provides personal advice and support to anyone affected by anorexia, bulimia, binge eating and all kinds of eating distress. They support sufferers and their family and friends towards full recovery. Contact the Helpline on 03000 11 12 13 (Parent Helpline: Option1; Sufferer Helpline: OPtion 2) or log onto www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

The National Centre for Eating Disorders aims to treat compulsive eating, anorexia, bulimia and weight problems by means of support, prevention and training. Contact them by phone on 0845 838 2040, or go online to www.eating-disorders.org.uk

Family support
Action against Medical Accidents (AVMA) is an independent charity which promotes better patient safety and justice for people who have been affected by a medical accident. A 'medical accident' is where avoidable harm has been caused in any form of healthcare as a result of treatment or failure to treat appropriately. They provide free and confidential medico-legal advice and support including help with inquests. Contact their helpline on 0845 123 2352, or visit www.avma.org.uk

Citizens Advice Bureau can provide information on making a complaint about NHS treatment using the NHS complaints procedure. For more information visit: www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/healthcare
Or in Scotland www.adviceguide.org.uk/scotland/healthcare

The Patients Association is a national charity providing patients with an opportunity to raise concerns and share experiences of healthcare.
Phone: 0845 6084455
www.patients-association.org.uk

The General Medical Council registers doctors to practise medicine in the UK. Their purpose is to protect, promote and maintain the health and safety of the public by ensuring proper standards in the practice of medicine.
Phone: 0161 923 6602
www.gmc-uk.org

OCD
OCD Action is a national charity for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and related disorders. OCD Action exists to provide information, advice and support for people with OCD, plus their families, friends, carers and interested professionals. Contact their support and information helpline on 0845 390 6232, or log onto www.ocdaction.org.uk

OCD-UK is a service user led charity, independently working with and for almost one million children and adults whose lives are affected by Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Their vision is one of a society where everyone affected by Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder should receive the most appropriate, and the highest quality standards of care, support and treatment. For more information, visit www.ocduk.org

Personality Disorder
Emergence is a service user-led organisation supporting all people affected by personality disorder including service users, carers, family and friends and professionals. Visit www.emergenceplus.org.uk
Suicide

If you’re a young person and you’re considering suicide, or you feel depressed or like you’re not coping with life, HOPELineUK, provided by the organisation PAPYRUS, is a confidential helpline service staffed by trained professionals who can give support, practical advice and information. You can call the helpline on 0800 068 41 41, email pat@papyrus-uk.org or text 07786 209 697. Lines are open Monday to Friday from 10am until 5pm and again from 7pm until 10pm, and between 2pm until 5pm at the weekend. PAPYRUS can also offer help and advice if you’re concerned about someone you know.
You’ll also find them online at http://www.papyrus-uk.org

CALM, the campaign against living miserably is a charity aimed at preventing male suicide in the UK. For information and support, visit www.thecalmzone.net, or call their helpline on 0800 58 58 58 between 5pm and midnight seven days a week. Calls are anonymous, confidential, free from a landline and will not appear on itemised bills.

Samaritans is available for anyone struggling to cope round the clock, every single day of the year. They provide a safe place to talk where calls are completely confidential. Call 08457 90 90 90 or visit www.samaritans.org

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide exists to meet the needs and break the isolation of those bereaved by the suicide of a close relative or friend. Contact them by phone on 0844 561 6855, 9am to 9pm every day, or log onto http://www.callhelpline.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Care exists to promote the well-being of bereaved people and to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss. They can be contacted on 0844 477 9400 Mon to Fri 9:30 – 5pm, or log onto www.cruse.org.uk

First Zolodex injection....... done!

As most of you know, I was diagnosed with severe stage Endometriosis at 20. Since then, I've had 4 operations and my Gynaecologist suggested putting my body into a temporary early menopause. Naturally, this terrified me. An early menopause at just 22? Surely not. As a recovering anorexic, the idea of this injection distressed me greatly and I've been putting it off for nearly 5 months due to fears of the treatment causing weight gain. However, today, I agreed to have it done. I'm not going to lie, it really did hurt but I am, quite proud of myself that I was brave enough to give it a try.

The Endometriosis causes me to have constant pain and living with this pain is no life. I don't want to be dosed up on codeine based pain killers the rest of my life. I've had to put my health first and try and fight the fears about possible weight gain. It's not only the weight gain that worries me. This treatment will trick my body into thinking it's in a menopause and I'm going to experience the side effects of going through a menopause. I have to try and be brave. I am so lucky that I have an amazing family to help me through this.

Maybe this is the first step to having a life again? I can only hope

Body Gossip - Love your body!

 

 

 

Body Gossip, founded by the amazing Ruth Rogers and Natasha Devon, is a positive body image campaign that aims to banish body shame emphasise natural beauty.

"Everyone has something to say about body image and Body Gossip have opened the floodgates. This debate is crucial and empowering."Caryn Franklin MBE, Fashion expert


Body Gossip School

Gok Wan-endorsed, award-winning Gossip School is a self-esteem class giving confidence to teenagers.

Founders of Body Gossip, Ruth and Natasha with the amazing Gok Wan.

"Gossip School is exactly what the UK is crying out for!  This will help body confidence and self-esteem get back into the public eye, but more importantly get directly to the people who really matter- the youth of this country!

Between 13 and 18  years old we all make such important decisions that will go on to affect our entire lives, this will really give them a platform to get there with confidence!"

- Gok Wan

 

Body Gossip School aims to help young children, aged 13-18, feel positive about their body. The Body Gossip team have taught over 20,000 teenagers in schools throughout the UK. " Body Gossip School is inspiring, uplifting and entertaining and will be relevant to every student in the room. - Times Education Supplement.

 

A staggering 84% of students indicated that they felt more body confidence after taking part in Gossip School.

If you want to book Body Gossip School,  please contact Natasha: natasha@bodygossip.org

 

Gossip School is inspiring, uplifting and entertaining and will be relevant to every student in the room.


Your stories

Body Gossip invites you to write a story about your body and share it with them.

Alesha Dixon wrote this:

"Like most women I have good days and bad days, but I've always tried to have a healthy attitude towards my body.

I appreciate my body and believe if i look after it, it will look after me. It's all about moderation.
My motto in life is, "a balanced life, is a happy life."
It saddens me that so many people have major hang ups about themselves and that they have become a prisoner of what society says they should look like.
It's utter nonsense! We are designed to be different!
Being you is the best you can be, so we should celebrate our differences."

If you want to write a story about your body, please contact Body Gossip! http://www.bodygossip.org/tellyourstory


Films

Body Gossip have produced some amazing films relating over the last few years. Body Gossip turns a selection of the stories they receive into short films, performed by a cast of well-known actors.

 

 

 

 

Coping with weight gain when recovering from Anorexia.

The voice of anorexia will tell you that you will never be happy until you lose weight, that your worth is measured in how much you weigh. This is wrong. Happiness come from loving yourself for who you truly are - and that's only possible with recovery. It may seem like there's no escape from your eating disorder, but it's within your reach. With treatment, support, and these self-help strategies, you can overcome your eating disorder and gain true self-confidence.

Something I've found incredibly difficult is coping with the way my body changes during recovery. It's inevitable that recovery from Anorexia involves weight restoration. Having been underweight for nearly 9 years, dealing with an increase in weight has been extremely difficult. I thought I would share some tips on how to cope with weight gain. I feel that weight gain is just the first (and often easiest) part of recovering from Anorexia. The physical body can heal a lot quicker than the mind can. However, research has shown that you cannot effectively engage in psychological therapy when you're drastically underweight.

I've found that, acknowledging that weight gain comes as part of recovery, has helped me to prepare myself for the changes. I try and remind myself that in order to recover, I have to gain weight, even though I cannot see that I need to. When you're anorexic, you will never see reality; you will never, ever think you're thin enough, even when you're on deaths door. Maintaining a low BMI for quite a long time and then facing the prospect of weight gain is rather terrifying, although essential if I want to get better. I'm learning to not weigh myself so frequently and trying my very best to leave that to the professionals. If you are reading this, thinking there is no way you can gain weight, just remember that if you want to recover, you will have to face this at some point or another; either in a hospital environment or in a home environment. You cannot maintain a low BMI without it having serious consequences for your health. If you prepare yourself for the weight change to come, you won't suddenly be thrown into shock when it does happen.

If you are struggling to come to terms with weight gain, try and talk to a supportive friend, a family member or a professional about how you feel. A problem shared is a problem halved and these people will be objective, and will see you realistically, not from anorexic eyes.

I also find that making a list of things I like about my recovering body has helped me. Yes I have many days where I just want to hide under hoodies and cry at my reflection but I have to remember that weight gain is crucial to recovery. I also write down positives about associated weight gain; for example, I feel warmer, have a little bit more energy, and being less prone to illness.

I've also found a journal to be pretty useful. Recovery can be extremely difficult - especially when recovering from an eating disorder. Try and remember that these changes are not bad. They are a sign of success, and you have the power to overcome this. If your team weigh you, you can always ask to turn away from the scales. That way, the professional can get the statistic that need but you can remain non the wiser.

If you feel you are heading towards relapse, seek help immediately. Although relapsing happens to most while trying to recover, it is important that you try and stay on the right track as much as possible.

True recovery from anorexia and bulimia involves learning to:

◾Listen to your body.
◾Listen to your feelings.
◾Trust yourself.
◾Accept yourself.
◾Love yourself.
◾Enjoy life again.


Love Kerry x

A non-emotion. Being frozen. Total confusion. Like the whole world has changed. The smallest of tasks take monumental energy to begin.

1 in 4 of us will experience a mental illness.

 

Depression is an illness, in the same way that diabetes or heart disease are illnesses. Depression is an illness that one in five people will suffer during their lifetime. Depression is an illness that affects the entire body, not just the mind. Depression is the leading cause of alcoholism, drug abuse and other addictions. Depression is an illness that can be successfully treated in more than eighty percent of the people who have it. Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide. At least half of the people suffering from depression do not get proper treatment.

Depression is not something to be ashamed of. Depression is not a character flaw of the sign of a weak personality. Depression is not the same thing as feeling “blue” or “down." Depression is not a “mood” someone can “snap out of.” (Would you ask someone to “snap out of” diabetes or high blood pressure?)

Depression is a mental health condition that causes individuals to experience a decrease in mood, loss of interest in life, disturbed sleep, appetite changes, low energy and poor concentration. It's important to remember that depression is different from feeling down or sad. Low mood is something which everyone feels at one time or another. An individual suffering from depression will experience intense emotions of anxiety, hopelessness, negativity and helplessness, and the feelings stay with them instead of going away. Depression can happen to anyone, at any time. It's clear to see in the media that depression is affecting many famous people who seem to have everything going for them. Depression can affect people of every age. Living with depression is difficult for those who suffer from it and for their family, friends, and colleagues. It can be difficult to know if you are depressed and what you can do about it.

There are many signs and symptoms of depression, however every individual is different and will experience depression in various ways. However, the common side effects are:

- Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness

Credited by www.mind.org.uk

- Extreme tiredness/loss of energy
- Sadness that doesn't go away
- Feeling anxious all the time
- Loss of self confidence and self esteem
- Difficulty concentrating
- Withdrawing from your family and friends
- Self harm
- Thinking about suicide and health
- Physical aches and pains
- Sleeping problems
- Very strong feelings of guilt.

If you experience four or more of these symptoms for most of the day - every day - for more than two weeks, you should seek help from your GP.  You should always contact your GP if you're experiencing signs of depression, although I know this is often very difficult to do. There are many online websites that can support you through your difficult time.

MIND are a UK based charity that can provide support and information on all kinds of mental health difficulties. www.mind.org.uk

SANE are also a UK based charity who provide practical help to improve the quality of life for people affected by mental illness. http://www.sane.org.uk/

The Samaritans are there for you 24 hours a day. You do not need to be suicidal to ring them. They provide confidential emotional support for people who are experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicidal thoughts. http://www.samaritans.org/ 08457 90 90 90 (UK) jo@samaritans.org 


Depression can happen suddenly as a result of physical illness, experiences dating back to childhood, unemployment, bereavement, family problems or other life-changing events. Sometimes, there may be no clear reason for your depression but, whatever the original cause, identifying what may affect how you feel and the things that are likely to trigger depression is an important first step.
                                                                                                                  Credited by www.sane.org.uk

If you seek help from your GP, you will more than likely be referred for CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). There are various forms of therapy and your GP will discuss with you the different options. You may also be put on an anti-depressant to help with your low mood. I think it's important to remember that medication only masks the symptoms and a combination of medication and therapy is the best approach to addressing depression. Anti-depressants do work for many people but inevitably they do have side effects. You can discuss these with your GP. If you are suffering with depression, there is nothing to be ashamed about. It saddens me greatly that there is still so much stigma surrounding mental illness and I hope my blog can help to raise awareness about mental illness and ultimately, help to reduce stigma.

How I would describe depression.

Depression is like a black hole, swallowing you and everything you love along with you. I felt like I was in a thick, dark fog and moving through that fog was exhausting. Everything with distorted and muddled - like when you were a child in your bed at night and you thought the tree branch outside your window was a monster. Like that. Everything hurt. Something lurked out there in the fog and whispered seductively, "just give up, I'm going to win in the end and you know it, just give up, it would be so easy and you won't hurt anymore, just give up and let go, it will be better when you're dead, just let go..." I felt inhuman, numb and half dead.

 

 

 

"You have Anorexia Nervosa. A serious eating disorder which can have life threatening consequences

At my worse with Anorexia

My battle with Anorexia Nervosa started when I was just 12 years old. I grew up in Hertfordshire with my amazing parents and my twin brother. My distress started from a very young age as I watched both my parents battle cancer. It was an extremely worrying time and I was faced with the fear that I could lose both of my parents before the age of 13. Thankfully, my parents battle through their illness and are both in remission and hopefully, will never have to fight the terrible disease ever again. I thought my "perfect" life was back; a life where I didn't have any worries. However, that was soon to change and I would be soon fighting for my life, battling a condition known as Anorexia Nervosa.

I can't remember exactly when my eating disorder took hold. There were a lot of contributing factors, I feel, that were the cause of my illness. I used to get up early in the morning, put  small pieces of cereal in a bowl, with a little milk and my parents thought I had eaten. I used to walk to school (40 minutes there, 40 minutes back).I started to throw my lunch away and used to spend my lunch breaks just walking around the play ground. Before my illness, I was a very sociable girl. I used to dance, play sport and spend time with

my friends; inside and outside of school. My mood started to decrease, I started falling asleep in lessons and I had absolutely no energy. I used to push my food around on the plate during dinner times, and I often threw the plate of food across the room. There was a devil in my head; a devil that wanted me to starve myself to death. All I could think of is how little I can get away with, how much exercise I can do and how I can disguise what was going on. At 12 years old, I didn't know what eating disorders were. For me, my illness was never about wanting to be thin; it was about control. I couldn't control anything else and food was the only thing, I felt, I could control. My weight started to decrease rapidly and my school teachers were getting very concerned. I was a bright girl, achieving straight A's. However, my grades were dropping, my concentration was non existence and I was preoccupied with anything to do with food, expect eating it. I used to walk around Waitrose, looking at the food. Part of me was so hungry, but part of my had become numb to the hunger signals. I was in my own little world, with Anorexia Nervosa; who I thought was my friend. I trusted her when she said she could help me to feel better. I trusted her when she said she is the only friend I need, and I trusted her when I was riddled with hunger pangs. I felt safe, secure. That's another 2kg loss; just 12 to go. Everything will be better when you're thin. It's just you and me now.

My teachers started to get concerned about my weight loss. They called me for a meeting and asked me to sit down. My teacher expressed her worries and that she suspected I had an eating disorder and my parents needed to be informed immediately. " Deny, deny, deny. Don't you dare let them find out about me. This is our secret, and our secret only. Secrets aren't meant to be shared, especially not this one. My teacher knew exactly what I was doing when I was denying that there was something wrong with me. She telephoned my parents and asked them to come in to see her immediately. My parents were distraught. I was very clever at hiding my weight loss. I used to wear 7 layers and 2 hoodies. My Mum dragged me to the Doctor's and that day, I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and referred urgently to CAMHS.

I attended CAMHS three times a week for 3 years. I didn't want to be there; I didn't want to change and I certainly didn't want to gain weight. My BMI was in the severely underweight category. I was weighed twice weekly, and I often cheated my weight by drinking gallons of water and putting weights in my pocket. I was on supervised meals, yet I still manage to hide the food in my underwear and under my sleeves. The Doctor stopped me from attending school as said I was physically too unwell. I spent my days confined to my bed, only emerging when I had appointments. My Mum left work to look after me. My weight was continuing to drop and I was at a point where I was refusing food and I was admitted to Starfish ward at Watford General Hospital. I was immediately placed on a drip and was made to stay. I've never felt so lonely. At this moment of my life, I was suicidal. I was fed up with the constant battle in my head, with the severe exhaustion. I couldn't think straight and could barely walk. The nurses removed everything that I could have harmed myself with and tried to get me medically stable. It was sit and eat with a nurse or get tube fed. I knew that the were not joking. I thought, if I can comply, as soon as I'm discharged, I can loose the weight again. This isn't forever. Every mouthful of food was agony. I cried until I had no tears left and the feeling of food in my stomach made me feel ever so uncomfortable and disgusting.

"I think Rhodes Farm could be the best place you." Rhodes Farm is an inpatient unit where they will won't discharge you until you're weight restored. I can't get fat. You cannot make me fat. No, no, no. I'd rather die than get fat. Please Doctor, you can't send me there. Please. I promise you I will work with my treatment team; I promise you I will gain weight; just give me a chance, please. It's not fair if you're going to admit me without giving me a chance to show you I can do this without going there. They agreed to give me 2 weeks to show them that I would comply with treatment.

The next few weeks were possible one of the hardest weeks of my life. I had home treatment from the Out-Reach team and a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist saw me daily in my home. I had to agree to eat 3,000 calories and to be weighed twice weekly. If I didn't gain weight, and didn't comply with admission, I would be sectioned. I tried my hardest, although they did think I gained more weight than I actually did. There were tears, a lot of tears. The police and ambulance weren't strangers to our house. I was mentally unstable and jumped out of the window after dinner just to exercise and burn some calories. I often collapsed with low blood pressure and was often taken into hospital to be given IV fluids.

Despite my best efforts, I was admitted to an inpatient unit at just 18, following an overdose. Everything just got too much. I was physically unwell due to the lack of food, my weight was low and I was at risk.I wasn't allowed my door shut, I had 15 minute obs, and anything I could have harmed myself was removed. I cried all night and a lovely nurse at on the floor with me all night and sat there until I fell asleep. Therapy was minimal and they just seemed to focus on feeding me. Yes it saved my life but it didn't address the psychological reasons behind my eating disorder. I was discharged when I was considered "safe" from a physical and psychological viewpoint and referred to the local eating disorder team.

During the height of my illness, I was often told that the eating disorder would cause long term health complications. I didn't believe a word. I should have done. My anorexia has caused me to have low bone density (osteopenia), cardiac issues, urinary retention, severe gynaecological complications, low blood pressure, IBS and fatigue.

Yes my BMI is healthier than what it used to be, but I feel, weight gain is just the first step. Anorexia is a psychological condition and weight is just a symptom of a deeper, underlying issue. I am working really hard in therapy to try and conquer this disorder. It was 12 years ago next month that I was diagnosed, and I don't think the illness will ever go away; I just hope I am able to control it.

I am now in my final year of my Psychology Degree. I gained a place to study Psychology at the University of Surrey, although 2 months into my second year, I had to return home as the eating disorder took control again and my depression got worse. I fight my battle each day and yes I have days where I want to give up, but I have to hang on to the hope that things can get better and that listening to the anorexic voice will just bring me nothing but ill health and unhappiness. I will never look at myself and think, " I'm going to stop now, I'm thin enough." Anorexia doesn't work like. I'm trying to learn that fat is a feeling and that I need to express my feelings instead of starving myself.

I want to be a Doctor and would love to study Medicine once I've finished my BSc Psychology Degree. I know that can only happen if I keep working towards health and happiness.

Eating Disorders are not glamorous. They have life threatening consequences. At the age of just 17, my blood sugar was so low that I was lucky not to have gone into a coma and I was extremely lucky that the overdose didn't kill me. When I have my bad days, I often wish it did, but I continue to fight my battle, in the hope that, one day, I will be able to take control and live a life away from the torment that is Anorexia.

Induced early menopause.

I'm absolutely terrified.

Possible side effects: ache, hot flushes, blood pressure changes, depression, hair loss, headaches, joint pain, lowering of bone density liver problems, mood changes and weight gain.

As most of you know, I was diagnosed with severe stage Endometriosis at just 20 years old. Due to the fact I've had 3 major operations, my surgeon doesn't want to operate for a while due to the fact multiple operations can cause fibrous tissue which can cause pelvic pain.   I am now being put through an induced early menopause via Zolodex injections  to try and reduce the pain that the Endometriosis is causing me.

I have to have the Zolodex injections once a month for a maximum of 6 months. This treatment can lower bone density and due to my battle with Anorexia, I already have a condition known as Osteopenia. My Surgeon said I am at very high risk of Osteoporosis and I have to have twice yearly DEXA scans, along with strong calcium supplements.

I think the main worry for me is the possible weight gain associated with this treatment. As a recovering Anorexic, the prospect of further weight gain distresses me greatly. I guess I'm at the stage in my life where I either choose weight gain and health or ill health and misery. The anorexic voice screams at me constantly: "don't eat that, you don't need that, look at the calories, you can barely exercise, don't you dare eat that; worthless, fat." The other voice whispers, "it's weight gain and health; you need the energy, you deserve to eat, you have to eat; if you don't eat, you will die."

It's a constant battle and exhausts me greatly. I never thought I would have to contend with extreme physical pain along with the Anorexia, Depression and Anxiety.

I guess I need to be brave. I want my life back. Anorexia took my life away and nearly took my life. I want to study, I want to be a Mummy one day and I want to train to be a Psychologist. I want to travel the world, I want to do some charity work in Africa; I want to smile, laugh and most importantly live. Anorexia will never give me that. Ever.

I have to find my inner strength to deal with this harsh treatment option. Side effects and a better quality of life or pain and no quality of life? I know which one I want.

Love Kerry x

There are a lot of websites out there that provide information and support for those suffering from mental illness and various physical illnesses. I thought it would be a nice idea to ask people if they would consider sharing their experiences on my blog (anonymity can be protected). I think it's extremely important that people hang on to the hope that things can get better and other people who have been in exactly the same situation have got better or learnt how to cope with their difficulties.

If you feel strong enough to share your story, please contact me on twitter: KerryOBrien21 or email me: kerryannobrien3@hotmail.co.uk

If you've struggled with any form of mental illness, whether it be depression, anxiety, bipolar, anorexia, PTSD etc, and feel well enough to share your story to help others, please do get in touch with me. I am also looking for people who would be willing to share their experiences of Endometriosis or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Kerry x